Aging Gaily

May 2006

Those hostile to gay expression often raise the specter of a lonely and loveless old age for any man who adopts “the gay lifestyle” thereby straying from the narrow heterosexual path. As they age, gay men– some warn– will be abandoned by a youth-obsessed narcissistic gay culture that cares only for the young and beautiful.

And a few gay men have learned to echo such complaints and fears. Some older gay men lament being left out of the youth-oriented nightlife scene, while young gay men can be found who cannot imagine a worthwhile life after age 40, much less 60 or 70.

Happily, though, many gay men are living lives that demonstrate that gay sexuality can serve one well throughout a long life. Liberated sexual attitudes coupled with new technologies can make for a richer and more rewarding gay old age.

Once one abandons the destructive notion that the only legitimate sexual expression takes place in heterosexual marriage, sexual options emerge that enhance life. Older people have a particular stake in expanding sexual opportunities and thus can especially benefit from less restrictive sexual attitudes. For example, recognizing that human sexuality is flexible and adaptable, married men are increasingly open to man-on-man sex as they age and the marriage bed cools. More and more men come to consider themselves bisexual later in life, enjoying sexual freedom they could not previously imagine.

Similarly, the emergence of the bear movement has expanded the range of body types publicly proclaimed as sexual, and older men again benefit: the body hair and heft that often come with old age are being celebrated as signs of virility and sexiness.

And most significantly, many gay men go into old age unencumbered by the silly notion that sexual exclusivity is any sort of measure of love. Gay partners can be happy for each others extracurricular sexual exploits. Instead of resenting their mate for being “a ball and chain,” spouses liberated from deadening monogamy can be sexual allies, each helping and facilitating enlivening erotic encounters for the other. Instead of pitching jealous tantrums, true lovers take pleasure from each others satisfaction and thus can celebrate, rather than bemoan, news of each others sexual adventures.

Having broader, more inclusive sexual standards– along with an appreciation that sexual jealousy signals love’s absence, not its presence– gives gay men (or anyone!) a big head start on a healthily sexual old age. And new technology makes enjoying that sexuality easier than ever.

The internet can be a boon for putting guys in touch with other men interested in older men. Indeed, there are entire websites dedicated to connecting older men with their admirers of any age. The internet also allows easier access to professional sex workers, another resource particularly useful for older men.

And the new erection-enhancing drugs like Viagra expand and prolong sexual repertoires previously cut short by age-related impotence.

Of course, active sexuality doesn’t define a happy or worthwhile life– but it comes close! Folks eager to fuck are more likely to keep in good physical condition and take care of their bodies. They are less likely to suffer from depression and other mental illness. And someone sexually satisfied, rather than frustrated, is likely to project a more appealing persona, thus staving off the isolation that can lead to loneliness. Far from being an impediment to enjoying old age, gay sexuality can be a force to keep life’s juices flowing longer.

Pasted from <http://guidemag.com/magcontent/invokemagcontent.cfm?ID=AA672E88-527B-466C-9A95243E5BE3FE2C>